I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
