Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
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