I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
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