So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize