We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Randomize