It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
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