And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
