I think she gave up trying 2 land a bf and let herself go
You misogynist thinking that every girl wants a bf
They do. I don't appreciate u using big words idk and im gonna take offense
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize