Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Randomize
