You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Randomize
