omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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