Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Randomize
