Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
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