my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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