woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Randomize
