pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
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