If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Randomize
