I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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