I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize