i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
