i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
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