You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Just pee around me
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize