I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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