Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Randomize
