so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Randomize
