i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
