and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
