I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
