the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
