when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Randomize