dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Randomize
