Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
We got so high we made milksteak
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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