after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
