You can't special order awesome
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
