I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
