I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
