Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Randomize
