Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Randomize
