I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
