I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
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