Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
