She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Randomize
