News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
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