The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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