I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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