he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
