If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Randomize
