i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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