Where is the hickey?
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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