I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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