guys are only as good as the porn they watch
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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