K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
