It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
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