spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Randomize
