is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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