lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
