I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
you traded sex for a burrito?
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
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