So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Randomize
