Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
