Me. At least after what I've been through.
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Randomize
