That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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