I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
The uberlube is also flammable
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Randomize
