My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
