i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
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