There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
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