I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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