He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Randomize