Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
You dont lie about slip and slides
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Randomize
