I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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