Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
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