just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
did i just pee glitter
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
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