playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
