allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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